If you’ve ever listened to the safety presentation at the beginning of an airline trip, you’ll remember that you’re told if you are traveling with a child or dependent and the air masks deploy, you should get your mask in place first, and then see to your child’s mask.  At first, this sounds kind of self-centered, but if you think about it, it’s sound advice.  How can you help your dependents if you’re passed out?!  

It’s exactly the same principle at play with family caregiving.  There are stories (many, in fact) of family caregivers who have died of stroke, heart attack, or other preventable medical crises while in the midst of caring for a loved one.  You must put your health first, for their sake.

Somewhere in all the seasonal retellings of the Nativity, I was re-reading Luke 1 and the story of Mary’s encounter with the angel Gabriel, and her subsequent encounter with Elizabeth, which prompted the song we’ve come to know through history as “Mary’s Magnificat”, and it hit me - Mary’s story is a caregiver story.

“That night they heard no noises. But either in his dreams or out of them, he could not tell which, Frodo heard a sweet singing running in his mind; a song that seemed to come like a pale light behind a grey rain-curtain, and growing stronger to turn the veil all to glass and silver, until at last it was rolled back, and a far green country opened before him under a swift sunrise.”

The Lord of the Rings - Book I Chapter 8 - "Fog on the Barrow-Downs"

When you are caregiving for someone with dementia, holidays rarely go as planned. In fact, unplanned meltdowns, medical crises and trips to the ER were more the norm for our holidays for several years. Pentecost weekend in 2023 was no exception…

Holidays are hard when you are grieving the loss of a loved one. Holidays for those caregiving for a loved one who is in decline are also hard. As I was hiking a new trail, I found myself deeply wrestling with what Easter means in the light of this kind of struggle. Looking at the story of Lazarus in John 11 through a caregiver lens helps us resurrect hope in our situation and find renewed strength to continue the journey.