Binding, Loosing, & Lighthouses
St. Simons Lighthouse, St Simons Island, GA
“I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”
Matthew 16:19 (ESV)
I’ve always been fascinated by lighthouses. And always love to snap a photo of one when I get a chance. Maybe it’s the mystique of the lonely lighthouse keeper of yesteryear, or the interesting and notable architecture, each with their own signature feature or personality (though, all at some level influenced by the 18th Century design inspired by an oak tree!)
A lighthouse is an easy metaphor for so many aspects of life and spirituality as well. I suppose at this point you may be wondering what “binding” and “loosing”, lighthouses, and caregiving all have in common. I’ll confess, it feels a bit abstract to me too. Bear with me to the end and I think it’ll all come together.
Binding and Loosing in Scripture
In Matthew 16, Jesus says some provocative things to Peter (and the other disciples by proxy) that have led to many interpretations and ecclesiastical divides over the last 2000 years. I’m not about to unravel any of that. I do want to point to what background bible commentators point out from the cultural clues of the time. The phrase “bind and loose” was common in rabbinical writings and would’ve been familiar to Jewish listeners and readers of the day. It was an expression used by the highest religious authorities to point to their interpretive authority over Scripture to “bind” (prohibit) or “loose” (permit, allow, endorse) certain interpretations of Scripture, and their associated practical implications.
In that context, Jesus is telling his disciples - these religiously unapproved “talmudim”, without formal pedigree - that they would be representing Heaven’s highest courts and Jesus Himself - prohibiting (“binding”) what is not compatible with Christ’s Kingdom, and permitting (“loosing”) a new spiritual order, which includes allowing people into the kingdom (possessing the “keys of the Kingdom”) that would formerly be ousted due to cultural or ceremonial inappropriateness. Jesus was seriously shaking things up.
But, I think at another level, Jesus was merging together this religious “bind and loose” talk with a social justice aspect of His Kingdom that he alludes to earlier in Luke 4, when boldly asserting that He is the fulfillment of the prophecy in Isaiah 61:
”The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound”
You catch the “binding” and “loosing” there? For Jesus, true discipleship is not only defined by “right belief”. In fact, right belief leads to “righteous action”.
Binding and Loosing in Caregiving
When I reflect on the caregiving journey, there are many applications of this binding and loosing idea. Practically speaking, if you are a caregiver of someone with limited cognitive and physical function, you are making decisions every day that “prohibit” or “permit”. If you are at the point where you have full financial and medical power of attorney, those “prohibit” and “permit” decisions become even more extensive and weighty.
I remember when we had to intervene to make the prohibitive call to not allow Mom and Dad-in-Law to drive any longer. We had to “bind” up the car keys and drivers license, and “loose” the new chauffeur service (which is what we called our driving service - we often joked with them that they got upgraded in life). We also had to prohibit certain TV News channels that were toxic to their mental health, and loose the call-blocking service on their phones to protect them against predatory scammers - eventually having to loose ourselves as their official answering service as well.
Financially, we had to make humble and strategic choices about how to best handle their assets to extend their limited means as far as humanly possible, to cover every possible medical or long term nursing care scenario. Every day we were “binding” and “loosing” financial aspects of their world. Not to mention all the difficult decisions, doctor interactions, and supplemental care and support needs that required “binding” and “loosing” authority from us, the medical power of attorneys.
Many of these decisions were made with lots of prayer and reliance upon the Holy Spirit’s leadership. But I won’t lie, many were clutch decisions we made from a fog of confusion and lack-of-information, hoping desperately we were making the right choices for them. And that’s a common thread I hear when talking to caregivers (and another reason we will continue to collect and link to practical resources to help caregivers make the best decisions possible).
Emotional, Psychological, and Spiritual Binding and Loosing
Equally as important (if not more so), is the binding and loosing that takes place at the emotional, psychological, and spiritual levels. There is a sense in which you, as the caregiver, bear a responsibility for prohibiting or promoting dynamics in your life, your home, and your personal interactions that influence both yours and your loved one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
People with limited cognitive function, particularly dementia or Alzheimer’s sufferers, tend to “vibe” off the emotional state of those around them. It’s why in Memory Care units, professional caregivers often joke uneasily about full moons. Whether or not the gravitational pull actually affects dementia brain chemistry (I’m a believer!), when one patient begins to sundown or escalate, other patients in close proximity start to do the same. They feed off each other's emotional and psychological energy.
Guess what, this happens in your home as well. If you are having a bad day and are stressed and anxious, that emotional vibration resonates immediately with your loved one’s brain and psychology. One stressed person can quickly escalate to a household of stressed persons. It’s critical in these moments that as caregivers, we are able to identify what is happening, and quickly “bind” the angst and “loose” joy, humor, lightheartedness, and ultimately peace. Tall orders, I know, but it is an important facet of our role as caregivers.
Whether you see it or not, you are also a power of attorney for the spiritual life of your loved one. This can be extremely challenging, fraught with all kinds of historical family and religious baggage. I don’t want to minimize how tough this can be. But we found that we had to “bind” certain church involvement and practices we were accustomed to for ourselves, to “loose” opportunities for spiritual enrichment for Mom and Dad-in-Law. It’s easy to forget as you watch someone decline with dementia, that the physiological and psychological persona before you is first and foremost a spiritual being, crafted in God’s image, by His remarkable design and for His immense pleasure. That spirit-person in there needs opportunities to connect with God in ways that are and have been meaningful to them. As difficult as it was for me to give up some of my preferences for a time, finding a place where Mom-in-Law could worship in the ways she knew and understood actually became a huge blessing to me as well.
Binding and Loosing Expectations
I want to speak to expectations for a moment, as I feel they impact all levels of our practical and spiritual existence. We often don’t catch it consciously, but our life is awash in all kinds of expectations that influence our levels of happiness, satisfaction, and personal well-being. If you expect that life is supposed to be easy and care free, when all of a sudden it isn’t any longer, it can cause a crisis of belief and identity.
If your life expectation is to be cared for and nurtured by that parent figure in your life until their final days, but now you find yourself in role-reversal having to be the responsible party for their wellness and care, that can bring all kinds of frustration, anxiety, and depression. And then there are a myriad of “smaller” daily expectations we entertain that affect us emotionally and spiritually. Expectations about holidays, birthdays, recreational outings, church gathering or bible study group participation, sibling involvement, physician attentiveness and care, and on and on the list goes.
It’s critical to our well-being as caregivers that we are able to recognize and name the expectations that are driving our psyche and pivot quickly to “bind” the impact of unmet expectations and “loose” a hopeful way of looking at our new circumstances with an adjusted sense of realism. This, of course, all requires a deep soul-connection to the One who is able to infuse hope into all our disappointments.
Binding, Loosing, and Lighthouse-keeping
When Jesus quotes Isaiah in reference to Himself, He mentions “binding up the broken-hearted” and “setting free (loosing) those in captivity”. It’s easy to forget in caregiving that the cared-for are also dealing with unmet or unattainable expectations with life. Loss of independence, facility, decision-making autonomy - these all induce anxiety and despair. As caregivers, part of our “binding” and “loosing” role is ultimately an expression of that Isaiah 61 commission. As Christ’s hands and feet, we have the opportunity to bind up the broken-heartedness of our loved ones with empathy and attentive listening, instead of dismissiveness and resentful indifference. We have the opportunity - calling really - to loose hopefulness, meaning, and purpose into their restricted view of reality.
Historically speaking, lighthouses have served two primary purposes: make seafarers aware of safe harbor and port entrance, and warn against dangerous coastline conditions. With their piercing lights, they illuminate through darkness and storm to give sailors a sense of orientation. You might say the lighthouse “binds” up fear and uncertainty about if there is hidden danger ahead, and “looses” navigational awareness, and ultimately hope of safe landing.
In caregiving, there is so much uncertainty that we must navigate. But it doesn’t measure in comparison to the uncertainty, confusion, and helplessness our cared-fors feels deep down inside. If Jesus is the true light who gives light to all people (both the cognitively abled and impaired), He is able to penetrate our fog and confusion with hope, direction, and purpose. As caregivers, we begin to assume the role of lighthouse-keeper to those in our care. In a very real sense, they rely on our environmental awareness (physically, medically, financially, and spiritually) and our willingness to honor them by tending to that light and leading them to safe harbor.
As I try to wrap this up, there’s so many things that can still be said, and so many practical ways this is expressed in our day to day caregiving calling. I believe it’s worth our further dialogue as a community of caregivers, and I sincerely invite you to share your thoughts, insights, and reflections with us via our “Contact Us” page.
Let me close for now with this profound lighthouse poem I stumbled upon at the United States Lighthouse Society page:
The Keepers of the Light
We are the keepers of that steadfast light
That guides a people’s course and destiny;
Not ours the skill directing over the sea
The mighty beams that blaze the path aright:
Ours but the hands that, serving, keep it bright,
The bringers of the oil, the workers we
Who day long, without pause and faithfully,
Toil that its radiance may pierce the night.
Above us are the wills that guide and turn;
It is not ours to watch nor question these:
Ours but to see each wick is trimmed and fit,
Lest on a night of storm it fails to burn
And a Great Ship goes down in awful seas.
O, Keepers of the light, keep faith with it!
— Theodosia Garrison; in McClure’s
